Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
