Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
