Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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