My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
