Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
