haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
