apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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