its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fuck appropriateness.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
