its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
