I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
