I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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