Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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