I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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