I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
