Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
