Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
