When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You pole danced in your parka.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
