So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
