You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
