Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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