Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
