Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
