Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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