just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My ATM looks so different sober.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
