I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
