Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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