Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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