It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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