I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
