I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
