How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I deserve this hangover.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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