Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
