Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
