Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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