He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
