Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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