FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize