If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Alive.
So much puke
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
