Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
pray to the hookup gods
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
