i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
