i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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