I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
