one two three fourrrrnication!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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