Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
