If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
