Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
