Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
