Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
