Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
