So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
