Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize