My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
