I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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