the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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