I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
