i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize