shes about as inviting as chlamydia
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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