You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
