just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
