I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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