Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
