There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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