just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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