So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
