Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if only i could text you this smell
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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