seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
