The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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