Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
