apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
