You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
