9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize