So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
