Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize