It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
