my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
