I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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