Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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